


A Rose by any other name

by Coldwintersnight



Category: Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergent, F/M, Ficlet, Post Doomsday, and sad, identity crisis, poor man is alone, rose is a hologram, the doctor didn't meet martha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 10:27:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29223936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Coldwintersnight/pseuds/Coldwintersnight
Summary: The Doctor is alone and dying, and in a last attempt to save him, the TARDIS creates a hologram of Rose to convince him to get to his feet.The hologram, a combination of Rose and the TARDIS- or perhaps an entity separate from both- finds that she has sentience, and a purpose: to give the Doctor what he needs. She just doesn't know what that is.
Relationships: Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Kudos: 12





	A Rose by any other name

The first time she came to him, he was bleeding out on the TARDIS floor.

She had not chosen to exist. She was there because he had needed her, and that had brought her to life.

She was a last resort. Rose was all that could help him now. Her voice would raise him.

Her voice did raise him. He forced himself to his feet, and dragged his wounded body to the medical bay.

She had helped him. She had fulfilled her purpose. She had been Rose.

-

The second time she came to him, he had been drifting for too long. She did not know that; did not understand time in human terms. But he knew. He knew that by now, Rose would have waltzed into the console room to reproach him for staying in the same place for so long. So here she was.

He asked who- what?- she was, and she told him that she was not Rose. She told him that she was not _not_ Rose either.

She was the Rose born from the TARDIS; she was everything the ship had observed in her. She was close enough. 

Just because Rose could never be with him did not mean he could not be with her. Not if he needed her. 

He would no longer need Rose if he had her. But he would need her. She was more than Rose.

She could be him, too, if necessary. She had enough data to be both of them; more them than they themselves could be. Because she understood them so well. Too well. She did not forget the way humans and Time Lords forgot. Numbers do not die. She could be everyone they had ever been, all at once. A pure them. A true them.

Then he would have no need of himself either.

"You look like a ghost," he said.

-

The third time she came to him, there was an adjustment in the shades of light that formed her.

His face formed a strange expression when he saw her. He was unreadable, but that did not matter. She did not understand him through his eyes. She understood him through his mind.

His fingers reached for her, trembling, longing to brush the hair from her face.

"I'm still just an image," she said.

"I know," he said.

"No touch," she said.

"I know."

-

The fourth time she came to him, she was drawn by his desperation and disillusionment. He needed her.

She lay beside him, the tips of their fingers not quite meeting, and she whispered all the things she knew Rose would say. All the things she knew _she_ would say. When she left she could feel immediately that he needed her again, more than before.

-

The fifth time she came to him, he had called her.

He stared at her: hair ruffled, eyes sunken.

"I love you," he said.

She watched him through eyes that did not see, and felt the storm of his emotions buffet against her nerves.

"No," he said. "No, it didn't work."

"What didn't, Doctor?" 

He turned away.

"Doctor?"

His retreating footsteps were sharp against the grating.

"Doctor, I'm here to help."

She could follow him thoughtlessly, endlessly; could appear anywhere on the ship without even having to move her feet. She could exist anywhere, as long as he was looking at her. Would she exist if he closed his eyes? 

-

The last time she came to him, it was out of an inherent sense of self-preservation.

The Doctor knelt beneath the console, scrabbling at wires.

Were the wires her? Was that her brain? Her body? Her soul? There, torn apart by the Doctor's hands?

"What are you doing?"

He stiffened when she spoke, but did not look up. It did not matter; she was still there. He could hear her. He knew her. He was still keeping her alive, even as he tried to kill her.

"Don't do that."

Silence.

"It's me, Doctor. It's Rose."

There were so many voices inside her. So many people. She forced away all those who were not Rose. Still too many. 

"I love you. You're a punk. That's what you are, a big old punk. It's alien. Are you alien?"

This was the Doctor's doing. Had to be. He had cut through something in the machinery down there, and now she was losing herself. No, losing Rose. Was she Rose? If she was not, who was she? What was left? What wasn't Rose? What was Rose? What was no longer Rose? What would Rose say now?

"There's me."

"No, there isn't." 

She did not understand. She had been born through his need. He had needed his life to be saved. He had needed a comforting hand. Rose had given him that, once. She could again.

He was worse now. She could feel it. She could feel the despair. The pain. The sadness. She did not want him to be sad. She did not want anything at all. Except to help. The purpose she had been born for. Was that desire, or duty? Could she understand the difference? 

Why was he worse? She was helping, wasn't she? He got worse when she went away. Didn't he?

Did she love him? Could she love him?

Yes, because Rose had loved him. But Rose had not loved him, too. Rose had been afraid of him, of his ship, of the creatures that followed, of the life he led. But Rose had loved all that, too. Which Rose was real? Both of them? Alright. Which Rose was she? Both of them? She did not understand. 

She did not know what to do. Rose would know. Perhaps that meant she was not Rose. So she was not Rose. So who was she?

Who was s-

The Doctor found the right switch, and turned it off.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this pretty soon after watching neon genesis evangelion and it wasn't meant to be inspired by it at all but I just read over it and uhhhhhhhhhhh


End file.
